So, what am I up to?

I have to admit to feeling rather boring lately. I don't have a lot of deep and meaningful stuff to post, I'm just chugging along really.

The house is really coming together well, which is a relief. I'm really over cleaning after having to do it for the last few weeks (when I actually decided to start....since it was getting rather feral around here....), and I'm already over it. Have to say though, I am getting better at it, but really, I'm rather crap at it if I'm totally honest. So, I got the name of a cleaner from the paper a few weeks back, and she's coming in tomorrow for a chat. I can't wait to have regular PROPER cleaning again.

I'm back again really going hard on the training and also on keeping the food situation under control. The lard is moving, and I'm weighing myself twice a week - only as I can't resist a peek on Wednesday. I've stopped the every day weighing, as it just does my head in. My mood gets set by the silly number, and even though I know ups and downs are normal, it still bugs me. So, I'm using it as a guide, looking at it once a week, and just as a check in that things are working. That way, I'm still checking in on progress, without being completely anal about the whole thing. It's what I used to do with IBO, and it seemed to work. Yeah, some days on my 'weigh in day' which is Satuday, weight might be up a little, but often that kind of sorts itself out the following week. This works for me.

I know that doing this kind of thing may not be all that popular in blogland right now, however I am at a very VERY uncomfortable place weight wise, and I need to take action. This is not a few kilos over happy weight. We are talking 10 kilos over happy weight, just to get it into perspective for you. Yes, things have gotten a little out of control with the move, the stress of trying to get sh*t done before the move, and then after, and I'm just reining it in. Lots of reasons why it's happened, which I've alluded to a bit here. But, no point in dwelling on the past, now is the time for me to just get it all happening again.

I'm going to crank the cardio a bit more this week too. I'm really getting into RPM, which I really didn't have the opportunity to do in Gladdy. Really enjoying it too I am, it's a nice change. My gym doesn't do a lot of Les Mills, so I've got to give up my regular Body attack, but change is as good as a holiday! Weights are going along pretty well at the moment, but I do miss my training buddy Sabine!! Can't go nearly as heavy when you don't have backup for safety :(. But, still challenging myself and going hard!!

Oh, oh, did mean to tell you too, I felt that earthquake last weekend! The big one in Indonesia - we also felt it here! Apparently Darwin gets 1-2 a year when Indonesia gets them. Pretty wild actually. Whole place was vibrating, it was really weird. It was about 12.30 at night, and it woke me up. Real rumbling noise and the whole house was moving back and forth. Bit of excitement there!!!+

OK, not much else happening, just settling into life here in the top end!!
Carolyn :)

Up and down, and on being busy...

I really should be working on my tender tonight, but decided to put it off till tomorrow. I've been working on this thing 12 hours today, about the same yesterday, and I reckon tomorrow will be the same. I'm going in early (6am if poss) to get a head start on the day. Thankfully it's due on Wednesday at 2pm, so it'll be all over soon. I got called in to help on Saturday, but the craziness really kicked in yesterday. Oh well, if we win it, it will be worth it. It's a big port feasibility study. Thankfully I'm nearly there, just gotta put the final bits together tomorrow.

I am so grateful to my wonderful hubby for looking after me when I'm like this. Came home tonight and dinner was all prepped (beeyootiful pork cutlet and steamed veg), he'd done the groceries, and he'd chopped up heaps of fruit for me to take to work for snacks. On top of that he's going to make my eggwhite and oat pancakes for me tomorrow so I'm good for breakkies from Wed onwards - I didn't get a chance on the weekend to shop or get prepped, as my Sunday kind of got taken with tender. I love my boy!! I need to repay the favour later this week when I'm back to normal and help put his job applications together - there's a few there that really look good, so I'm hoping for him!

I'm really settling in well up here too. Getting to know people, and I'm really starting to feel welcome. We had a get together with all the people in our complex on Friday which was great, and I did get invited out for drinks with the gym crew on Saturday, but unfortunately I had to pike out as I really destroyed myself on Saturday.

OK, here's what happened. I decide that cleaning of our house is now in order, since we are now unpacked, things are settled, etc. The bathrooms always seeemed grungy to me, but I have to admit to thinking that this was age and lack of maintenance. What I discovered was that it was lack of cleaning!! EEEEWWWWW!! I was totally the Domestos Queen - I scrubbed 2 bathrooms with a little scrubbing brush, all the grout, the basins, the loos. I was relentless, and man, I was a lather of sweat afterwards (not to mention slightly loopy from fumes... ;)) Anyway, the bathrooms now look like new, which I am rather proud of. Then I cleaned the rest of the house, vacuumed, went out with hubs to get outdoor furniture, chatted to my parents, then proceeded to pass out on the sofa feeling completely exhausted. Dunno - it's gotta be, oh, 8 years since I cleaned house??? Yep, I've had a cleaner - and MAN, I gotta get me another one!!! And SOON!!! LOL!!!

Anyway, that's about it for my update. Still busy, but at least much more settled. I am enjoying things up here so far, life is getting back to normal.
Till next time!
Carolyn :D

Sparse blogging

I know, my blogging has been kind of sparse lately. Not sure if I really feel much like it tonight, but I've realised it's like over a week, and things are happening.

Work is busy, which is good. I was supposed to be going out to Ranger tomorrow, but that's been cancelled. Probably not a bad thing, I've got lots of other stuff to do anyway. Like a tender that's due next week. Egads!!

On the training and nutrition front, I'm feeling a lot better. I've got a routine back now, and that's making me a lot more comfy. I'm on a bit of a mission to remove some of the additional baggage I've picked up in the move, and finally I feel like I'm unpacking! Ah, it'll happen - I'm trying to not be too anal about the whole thing, but I'm keen. Just want to get back to happy weight - don't think it'll be before Christmas, but hopefully not too far after.

I know it's not really flavour of the month around here, but I'm back to planning my food out, like I have done for a long time. I don't get too het up over stuff (I don't weigh lettuce), but I more or less keep the portions as I plan them out. Veges though I'm a little loose with, and that's OK. I'm actually really enjoying my food - I made a great spicy prawn and potato dish from this month's delicious. magazine, and it was prime. Anyway, after continually nudging upwards, it's finally moving downwards, at least at the moment.

Training is back happening again after being very all over the place. I'm settling into that too, getting to know people in the new gym and all. It's friendly, so that's really nice. I did go and check out the IFBB comp here last weekend, which was fun, although going on your own is a little weird. Maybe next year I'll get keen and do it - it was a really good show. Yeah, I'm still not quite ready to totally give up that at this point. I hit Masters next year, so am quite looking forward to that!!

OK, that's about it for my world at the moment. Have had a lot of mishaps and crap with the move, but I think I'm out of the woods now, or at least I hope so!!

Carolyn xx

In my new place!!

Yes, finally staying in my new home tonight. Although, I've got no TV at this point as there is a MASSIVE bundle of cables sitting next to me, and another one upstairs that I need to unravel to locate (a) a power lead and (b) an aerial lead. I've been given strict instructions to not even ATTEMPT to put the stereo together. Hubby will do that when he arrives. Hmmm. I could do it, seriously, but could I be bothered??.....nope!! There's no remote either so my incidental exercise will be increased from having to GET UP and change channels. Remember those times?????

Today was blissfully uneventful, however I have to admit to being rivetted to the blogging world this past few days!! Lots of very active discussion!! I too believe that discussion and airing of opinions is healthy. And as in all things, many differing thoughts on what is the right way to do 'stuff'. It's actually been really interesting to read. I really admire the honesty with which quite of few of the girls write.

I was actually going to weigh in here on the whole debate, but I think not tonight. I'm tired, and it's getting way too late to add anything vaguely meaningful or helpful!!

I'm going to take it a bit easier tomorrow - I'm going easy on the heavy lifting I've decided. I'm completely pooped tonight, and am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in what, about 3 weeks? Tomorrow going to be spent doing a bit of food shopping, feeding and looking after poochies, finishing off the last of the clothes unpacking (only 1 more box!!) and then spending the afternoon at Sorrel (my new neightbour)'s place watching the Iron Maiden Live after Death concert. Oh I forgot - I do need to unpack the video box and find it!!! LOL!!!

Have a great weekend everyone!
Carolyn :D

But wait, it gets better!

More crap in Carolyn-world again!! Yep, I really did think I killed a chinaman in there somewhere with this run of luck I'm experiencing!!

Yesterday I thought I'd quickly duck out and get a few cat supplies, since most of our cat things are with hubby and on their way up in the car - like litter trays, etc. I get about 2 minutes from home, and zzzzt...zzzzttt......no electrics. Dashboard flashes, then dies.

I manage to pull the ol' girl over to the side of the road, and then try and restart. Nothing.

Oh shite, I think. Pull out my RACQ card and ring for roadside assist. You wouldn't believe it, but my membership lapsed around 2 weeks ago - when I was up here. I think my renewal must have been at home. Anyway, after some speedy credit card work, I'm back up to date again, and waiting for the mechanic. Finally arrives, and the prognosis is that she's f*cked and needs a tow. Starter motor is dead and also there's some other nasty burning smell that means other stuff is probably also cooked. Get the car towed back home.

This morning, I arrange for another tow to a mechanic. I am hoping that (a) they can fix it early next week and (b) it's not going to cost a fortune. I know I'm up for a new starter motor, and probably a new ignition switch, but I'm a bit worried as to what else. Anyway, I've got the OK to borrow the bosses wife's car for the next few days, so I'm at least mobile.

Now, every cloud does have a silver lining, and this latest incident now has hubs very concerned about me not having a reliable car. What's crazy is this little one is only 5 years old with 60K on the clock, so not exactly 'old' and I would expect it to still be reliable. Anyway, he wants to buy me something nice and new for my 40th birthday, and he's talking things like BMW apparently. Dunno if I really need to go that exxy, but the thought is definitely nice!!!

On another positive, the puddies arrived today. don't think they liked the whole experience, all did No 1's in their boxes, poor babies. Anyway after a lot of yowling and stuff this afternoon, they are finally calming down and settling. I'm back at the other house tonight, as I'm not quite set up at my place yet, but I think I'll be sleeping there from tomorrow night onwards. Looking forward to my own bed - and one step closer to 'back to normal'!!!

Have a great weekend everyone,
Carolyn :)

Ridin' that bronco (or rollercoaster...)

Another day - another blog!
Thank you SO SO much everyone for your comments. And yes Shelley, you did make me smile!! Thankyou for helping not feel like I'm the only one who has trouble. I know lots of us do, and thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah, life just deals you the shit hand from time to time. Small steps - I'll get back there. One moves a mountain by carrying away small stones.

I'm sitting here tonight completely buggered and wishing that I'd the good sense to take tomorrow off work and not say yes to 2 tender/bid meetings and a mentor meeting. I even thought of just taking the afternoon off, but my meeting with my mentor (which I won't miss for ANYTHING!!) is at 2pm. Hmmm. I really didn't think that I'd want another day off - I do have Friday AND the weekend, it should be OK, however once you get started, it's nice to keep going and finish.

Anyway - the reason for me being kinda tired - I'm unpacking our house. What a day. Yep, it's been an absolute corker, and generally not of the good kind. Hubby left me a wee little surprise in the freezer - which has been OFF for the last 2+ weeks and in a stinking hot container - of a SQUID TUBE. OH MY GOODNESS. THE SMELL. IT'S DREADFUL. 1 bottle of spray and wipe, 1 bottle of vanilla fridge wipe and 4 boxes of bicarb soda later, I'm hoping and praying the smell goes. Don't worry, he's been told. Repeatedly. I think he is quite glad he's in Qld.

And this AFTER one of his work colleagues told him he'd done the exact same thing with a fish frame. Uh huh. He is feeling just a little bit sheepish too.

I may yet be going shopping and we may yet have the spankiest beer and bait fridge out there. I'm giving it till Friday for a verdict.

I'm also agonising over how much stuff I unpack from our kitchen, as we need it replaced. It's annoying as it looks like the packers were completely random in putting things in boxes - I know where everything was, and believe me, it's not in even cupboard order. It's actually quite bizarre.

Anyway, on the positive front - Mike's cat finally came inside last night (I'm currently housesitting in case you didn't know). She's been awol since last Thursday, but finally came in last night and she's now not allowed outside. I think that she thinks she's being held prisoner, however I'm giving her a lot of attention so I'm hoping she'll chill out in a day or so. And maybe forgive me for not letting her outside. Her name is Tuna. (And I thought Steve was an odd name for a cat....)

So, tomorrow I've gotta go to work, but having another day off on Friday when I get to continue the joyous job of unpacking. I'm kind of likening it to lucky dip - I'm actually constantly surprised and amazed at the stuff they packed which really should have gone in the bin. Empty bottles. Random pieces of wood. The cat's food bowl, complete with food still in it (yep). (Thankfully all cats are accounted for and are still in Gladdy). We even have a box labelled "rocks" (huh???) I reckon they would have packed hubby except that he kept on moving (hey, maybe he would have found the SQUID....lol!!!).

So, what other things are happening in the comedy of errors of the last week. Oh yes - here they are.
I had to do 3 trips to Bunnings on Saturday. That was ok, except that I borrowed my boss's ute to bring home all the stuff as my car just wouldn't fit it (no issues there), only stupidly drove to there on trip #2 with the rear gate down. Didn't realise as hubs didn't put it up and buggalugs (me) just drove off (yeah, would have looked like a winner there.....). Well, that wouldn't have been too much of an issue, except that I'd put the bar that holds the cover up in the back....and now it's GONE. Hmmm. I don't want to even think about where that kind of 'flew out'. Thankfully the replacement is only $14.30 and I pick it up tomorrow. **phew**.
I hate Bunnings. I am not a hardware gal. Only place I feel vaguely comfortable is in the electrical section as I know what those things do.
The removalist dudes removed my glass door to get my dining table in. Then they coudln't reinstall it. Thankfully Mike (different Mike) is coming tomorrow at 6.45am to try and fix my door.
I had the SQUID issue. Enough said.
The cat went AWOL for nearly a week. Thankfully that's over.
I actually managed to get the new gas stove correctly installed (after hubs put on his best electrician-as-gas fitter impersonation). Thanks there to Dave the plumber today. And I got a new gas bottle. Now I can cook. If I could get to the stove, that'd be great.
I tried to turn off the upstairs fan when I left today. Only the removal guys had packed so much stuff in front of the fan control I can't get to it. Maybe on the weekend. Energy efficiency?? Bah!!
Hubs enquired if I'd got the kitchen dude out to measure up today. Told him no as the Kitchen dude would be doing real well to even SEE the kitchen right now. Told him I'd organise it for Friday. But at the moment I'm thinking it's going to take me a lot of Friday to even find the kitchen again. Man we have a lot of stuff!!
I still have the cold, but you knew that one. Thankfully it's getting a bit better.

Tomorrow should be a little calmer. I'm going over to a neighbour's place tomorrow to watch KISS videos. That'll be a nice 'out'. Then it's back to it on Friday - only highlight being that the puds will arrive. Hopefully by then I will have located the cat food......

Till later,
Carolyn :)

Got a cold :(

Greetings again from the (rather warm) north!

I am at home (again) today battling the snot monster. Yep, up here 3 weeks and get sick. Marvy.

Life still feels like a complete roller coaster, and I'm waiting for this ride to hurry up and stop. I am in a bad, bad place with my weight, to the point where I'm actually too terrified to step on the scale. I can see with my own eyes what's going on and it's not good. Nothing fits - I'm actually wearing things I bought when I went on my Vanuatu trip, and I still had around 15kg to lose when I was wearing them....gives you an idea of about where I am at the moment.

I feel very ashamed that I have so little self control. I get held up sometimes as this 'inspirational person', and I feel like a complete fraud at the moment. I really feel like that comes with responsibility to stay that way - trim, taut terrific - and I'm not. I'm not inspirational at all - I've got a big fat weight problem that's coming back to haunt me at the moment. Maintaining weight is the hardest thing EVER for someone like me. I can't eat intuitively - I do that and I eat too much. Eating intuitively for someone with a weight problem is freakin' hard....sh*t, you don't end up with a weight problem if you can darn well intuitively eat the CORRECT amount in the first place. In addition to this, I know that I don't have my emotional eating licked by any stretch of the imagination, and the past 3 months have let the monster out of the closet to the point where I just don't know how to get him back in there. As you know, with the move to Darwin, selling our house, buying a new place, going into a new job/role, all that stuff, well it's been a bit (OK, make that a LOT) on the stressy side. I'd like to have handled it better, but y' know, I just don't really know how I would have done it differently. At least not at this point.

All I've wanted to do is drown it all out with food and alcohol. Yeah, I know that's not solving it. But pretty much all I've been doing lately is just hanging on and waiting for this ride to hurry up and stop. To the point where I'm almost counting sleeps till it's over. Should be early next week - I'll finish housesitting, hubs will be up here, life can become normal.

I'm really grateful that Coach has stepped in with a few words of advice to just taking a few small steps until normality returns. It was actually getting to the point where I was reading so many blogs and articles about intuitive eating, eating this, eating that, making these choices, etc, etc, etc, to the point where I was completely paralysed and totally confused, and didn't know what I should be doing any more. I know I need to do something - to at least take that first step, but I feel completely frozen to the spot. I know, what's completely crazy is that I actually do know how to lose weight - I've done it before.

So today has just been following a few basic rules. Just for this week - protein at most meals, lots of veg, a little fruit, heaps of water, eat when hungry (OK, that I'm finding hard). I'm feeling really bleugh with this cold, so this is actually a bit of a struggle, as I'm wanting comfort food, however I'm battling on and actually am doing OK so far today. But then, we haven't hit the late afternoon witching hour yet either. That's when it gets really interesting. And you wouldn't believe it but my Diet coke now has to be chucked out as there's a FLY in it!!! EWWWWWW!!!

OK, all for now. Over and out....
Carolyn :)